i am sorry. i realised that my emo-ness and heartbroken has been irritating my friends recently. every now and then, i will send them very sad smses like, "hey, i am really heartbroken and i cannot calm myself down," things like these.

i am sorry and apologise sincerely if you are one of my victim. i will try to control my emotion which will only possibly succeed with a percentage of near 1. i realised that i can never control my emotion well.

i've been crying the whole morning when i am in work. no matter what i m doing, i will cry. i already finished one packet of my tissue paper and i only left with one.

i've been reading a girl's blog recently; if you know the guy that died in brunei due to some sudden heart attack etc. she's like million time worst than me because i still can get to see melissa (as a friend) but she can never see her boy anymore.

reading her entries encourages me alot. but at the same time, makes me cry like a waterfall. i cry not because her entry is sad enough or i can related any of my personal experience to it, but its that even though she lost her guy, she can confidently tell people that the guy is still hers, still love her dearly even though he's in another diamension already.

for my case, i've lost melissa. but i didnt lost her to mother nature. but i lost her to another girl. i can no longer confidently tell my friends that melissa is MY gf. because she is no longer mine. i think, this is million time worst than what the girl is feeling.

i can see her, but she's no longer mine or i cant see her, but yet she's still mine?

i m losing myself day by day. friends have been telling me to stand up, make yourself pretty, slim down, cure your pimples.. den i will have no worries about my appearance and gets will be within my reach. however, at this point of time, i just want melissa back. nothing else.

that's why i'd said. i disappoint all my friends. i disappoint friends who has high hopes on me. i disappoint friends who believe that i am strong enough to overcome this breakup. i'm sorry, i cant do it.

tell you something that will make you even more disappointed and think that i am the dumbest person. the thought of commiting suicide is there as well. i've been thinking of the easiest way of doing it. (: tell u when i thought of one.

i feel like i am no longer myself and melissa is no longer melissa. but i still love her. or rather way more than what i have before for her.

i know i know. i know i am dumb. i only come to cherish this relationship when its really gone. but who dont? even if not i tell you to cherish whatever you have now, you also wont be able to do it whole heartedly unless you lost it right? well, even u know this theory, have you been applying it all along? please do lie to me nor you want to lie to yourself.

i will tried losing melissa. this is the third time, and definitely the last time. i know i can never win her back already and i know telling myself that i regretted so much is no point already.

but friends, can you dont pull meout of my dream and let me continue living in my virtual world, creating a virtual melissa and thinking that she still love me so?

i feel i m losing strength. ):

She's a fatass bitch. She loves gossips and smoking. Adores bad badtz maru, and loves lychee. Having regular meals and sleeping is not her hobby but merely for survival sake. She thinks that the evolution of mankind is the greatest mistake that mother nature has ever created. She's easily provoked, thus don't be her friend if you think she doesn't fit to be. Afterall, she can't really be bothered by it as well.




♥ Shijie Khong.
27June, Cancerian.
Loves red.
Bad Badtz Maru's lover.
♥♥ Baobei.khong is my princess (:



`car of my own
`human sized bad badtz maru
`Bad badtz maru's Tee!
`Bad badtz maru's bedsheets
`visit to taiwan/bangkok/hongkong
`visit to redang/bintan/tioman/phuket
`great 20th birthday
`Polaroid camera
`New curtains
`more heels
`Converse sneakers
`Singapore Flyers
`Chained Bucket Bag
`A tattoo (:
`Pink polka dots hairband
`batam cable skiing
`Queen Sized Bed
`Suntanning soon :D
`NUM Havaianas flip flop
`Polaroid Films


♥ Jan01`New Year Day!
♥ Jan27`Brother Khong's Bday!
♥ Jan27`May's Birthday!
♥ Feb14`CNY Day1..
♥ Feb14`Valentine's Day
♥ Mar18`Sister Khong's Bday!
♥ Jun25`Gracey's Birthday.
♥ Jun26`Mummy's Bday!
♥ Jun27`MY 21st BIRTHDAY!
♥ Aug09`National Day!
♥ Oct12`Wenzi's Birthday.